kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
