are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Another day, another engagement, another cat
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
