I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
