In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
