Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
