I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
We had to coat check the pizza.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
