sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
