i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
