just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
