I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
