I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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