Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
