note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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