If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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