Will you blow on my dice?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
