Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Randomize
