Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
