The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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