Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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