Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
