If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
So vagazzling was a success
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
