Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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