well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
