Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
