it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
