I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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