i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
