worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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