why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
