Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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