just tell him i said nine months
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
