you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
