I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
