Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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