Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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