What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
