My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
a search helicopter?!
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
