yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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