My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
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