i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
