I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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