apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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