the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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