before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
