That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
