just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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