i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
