I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
