Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
