my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
