I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
